A DISASTER

it was afternoon.i was writing my new post which was supposed to be about the health care provision.suddenly a huge terrifying sound of blast i heard inspite of the loud music that was out of my headphones.at first i thought it as a bombed car or a road side bomb near us as usual until my boss ringed me a phone to tell me that it was a mile away!!!. i didnt realize the disaster until the next morning in the clinic some of my friends visited the place of explosion to tell us about the destruction left behind. at about 10 they declared a curfew. there were many patients came asking for treatment and complained of pain.
at that day there was only me and a senior dentist treating a patient with a difficult case. i had to choose between getting stacked in the hospital or to treat patients and of course i took the second choice. i would blame my self if i left them without treatment and thought in my self that those patients wouldnt get any professional care until the curfew over especially those patients with badly decayed teeth and needed extraction. so i made extraction for three patients and gave an operation appointment for one. as i finished , i phoned my brother to tell me that our destrict was closed. by that time it was definitly no way to go home.
i kept with my friends at the hospital.i was so sad because of the miserable security situation that we are living. as a relief one of my friends suggested to go to the river shore behind the hospital. it was a marvellous scene. i kept that night trying not to talk about any subject of blasts or war or even politics. next morning i saw some people walking along the empty roads of the city. i changed clothes and went home walking inspite of the curfew. it was about 2 miles away. i ve tried my best to avoid passing along the streets of the explosion site but as soon as i reached to the main street one of the iraqi soldiers prevented me to go along straight ahead and instead i had to take the way along affected
area. it was a DISASTER. even the word disaster doesnt describe the crime happened there. as if a nuclear bomb were thrown there.the trees were 100metre away. the bricks of the buildings were everywhere.the power cables were in pieces allover the place. i couldnt distinguish the houses from each other and from the shops. a cyclon is less less destructive. i stood astonished there. i havent seen like this only when the b52 aircraft bombed one of the buildings during war in baghdad. without any exaggeration 20 houses were severly ruined up and nearly 35 affected. who was that monster who did it? he is the evil himself.the people who live in this area are poor and lovely and they can't harm a creature. one is working and doing his best to build a house and to grow his children up in a life with dignity and in a second all this just vanished so easily.after all i have seen iwent back home and pain was tearing my heart.now its the second day and i cant smile even in the most gagging instances. i couldnt take some pictures to publish but i'll try to get some.

"Formatting" the mind

this morning while I was getting dressed to go to clinic. I heard knocking of the door of our neighbors. He was a lonely old man with a few relatives living in the other destrict. At his door were his friends..It was early morning and freezing outside. the knocking and calling was so hard and loud. They broke the door to find the man laid down on the ground without any movement. His friends were going to give him a lift to work but they found that he was suffocated by gas and couldn’t make it. They called me to be assure if he was dead or a life. But there was no hope even for a c.p.r. and after realizing the truth I could barely hold the situation up. I was in a state of shock. I just went out and said "he is dead". I couldn’t talk anymore. We phoned the ambulance and took him to the main hospital. But after witnessing the scene I couldn’t eat even lunch and I began to remember all the pictures of the dead people who were killed in the past months and years as a result of violence and crimes and during the war. It took me along time to forget those pictures. Now I'm dizzy and nauseated feeling my head may explode at any moment. I was trying my best to avoid like such situations. During my study at the college I wasn’t afraid of anatomy or corpses and didn’t hesitate in dissection unlike my friends but now I don’t know what happened to me. I just passed to the dental centre and went out with my friend just to relief and get fresh but that didn’t take the effect I tried and im trying my best to hide all this from colleagues and friends through laughing, telling jokes and listening to music but still the same. if I could scream and shout to spill all this out!. All I need for this moment is to clear my mind and brain as formatting it all over again to erase all this up.

Confused

These days im feeling so confused and hesitated to decide which way I have to follow in my life. I have many ways but don’t know which one to follow and best for me. The year of rotation of dentistry is about to finish after that we are supposed to work in country centres outside the city centre and from a scientific point of view it sounds that its not beneficial and may not add good experience. i want to go back to baghdad as soon as possible. the situation there is much more better than before but it may explode at any time and I don’t feel that it is the same city that I lived in from the other side keeping in mosul is not the solution because its not better than baghdad if we are talking about the security situation but I found the friends that I missed in baghdad. I began to make friends and like the people here. Most of my friends in baghdad left iraq either as refugees or to find a calm and peaceful place to work and complete their education away from terrorism.
Some of them adviced me to take the master degree abroad and I began to admit to colleges and made some contacts even with the embassies and came up with hopeful results. In my last two visits to the college of dentistry where I studied in some professors suggested me to be appointed as a junior. I have many choices and everyone got its virtues but im very confused and hesitated of what im supposed to do.

The First Post

I've tried several times to write but came up with fruitless results. I used to write in my diary but I realized later that sharing thoughts with others has a different taste and feeling of releasing the exhaust In this post I'll write about me.
I'm a dentist (fresh graduate). I lived my 23 years in baghdad and living the 24th in mosul. I moved to mosul temporarily since the beginning of violence and the deteriorated security situation.
I lived the best times in baghdad especially in baghdad college secondary school where I graduated from.
I have an obcession of electronics especially computers and communication staff, so I studied in an institute of electronics during summer holiday when I was 15. my big desire was to be an electronic engineer, but the temptation of being a dentist and keen on progress in electronics field (being creative in two fields at the same time) override.
And that is what im going to achieve, working now in a specialized dental centre as a rotator dentist and the rest of the day with computers especially in baghdad I began to make deals to fix used laptops but it’s a small business for the while time. As a rotator dentist im trying my best to get use of my seniors' experience and im planning to get the master degree this year.