Saturday, January 19, 2008

"Formatting" the mind

this morning while I was getting dressed to go to clinic. I heard knocking of the door of our neighbors. He was a lonely old man with a few relatives living in the other destrict. At his door were his friends..It was early morning and freezing outside. the knocking and calling was so hard and loud. They broke the door to find the man laid down on the ground without any movement. His friends were going to give him a lift to work but they found that he was suffocated by gas and couldn’t make it. They called me to be assure if he was dead or a life. But there was no hope even for a c.p.r. and after realizing the truth I could barely hold the situation up. I was in a state of shock. I just went out and said "he is dead". I couldn’t talk anymore. We phoned the ambulance and took him to the main hospital. But after witnessing the scene I couldn’t eat even lunch and I began to remember all the pictures of the dead people who were killed in the past months and years as a result of violence and crimes and during the war. It took me along time to forget those pictures. Now I'm dizzy and nauseated feeling my head may explode at any moment. I was trying my best to avoid like such situations. During my study at the college I wasn’t afraid of anatomy or corpses and didn’t hesitate in dissection unlike my friends but now I don’t know what happened to me. I just passed to the dental centre and went out with my friend just to relief and get fresh but that didn’t take the effect I tried and im trying my best to hide all this from colleagues and friends through laughing, telling jokes and listening to music but still the same. if I could scream and shout to spill all this out!. All I need for this moment is to clear my mind and brain as formatting it all over again to erase all this up.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

wellcome doctor to the blog world,wish you all the best.iraq need our voice to tell the truth.
Mama

Mister Ghost said...

Hello Baghdad Dentist,
As Mama said, Welcome to the world of blogging. Iraqis must have the best teeth in the world because there are so many dentists. :))))

Is the situation in Baghdad better these days?

And what are abut the Dean of Dentistry at Baghdad College? Did you know him? Sadly, he was just killed.

Take Care and Good Luck,
Mister Ghost.

~~Silk said...

The corpses in anatomy class were "equipment", with no life or history or story. Your neighbor was a man, with a past, friends, family, and a future cut short. That's the difference, and your reaction is normal.

Talk with a friend about your feelings. Tell us in your blog. That's the good thing about blogging. You can let things out of your mind.

Anonymous said...

Hey there :)

Nice to meet you :)

I just read your posts and wanted to welcome you. I hope blogging will at least help you ease your mind a bit.

Thank you for your posts.

Please keep writing, I'm looking forward to your new posts.

Stay safe and well.


Love,
B.

Ripama said...

I heard about your blog from Mama. I haven't read it yet, but I printed it out to read later.

Good luck.

J Booth said...

Hi baghadadentist
- welcome to blogging : )

I do not know your name but I will tell you that I am James. I am in Oregon, and I am extremely distressed at what you are having to go through each and every day, and somehow, somehow, I wish that I could change that for you. As an American, I bear some responsibility for what is happening to you, and I want you to know there are many of us here who feel the way I do.

I found your blog this morning through http://youngmammy.blogspot.com/ whose blog is listed under "Iraqi Voices" on the blog of a good friend of mine http://topperstap.blogspot.com/
... and now I will work on linking up your blog and youngmammy's because I want your voices to be heard by many other people.

Unless you would rather I do not ?
- please let me know.

I think there are people here and around the world who desperately need to hear your voice and know that you are real and understand what your life is like, so I hope to encourage you to post as often as you are able to and keep in touch.

We want to hear what you have to say.

Anonymous said...

I see that you are having a difficult time deciding what you want to do in life. A very wise person once told me to do what you love to do. Working in a job/profession that is really not your real choice becomes "just a job" regardless of the prestige. People who love what they do are truly the happiest.