"Formatting" the mind

this morning while I was getting dressed to go to clinic. I heard knocking of the door of our neighbors. He was a lonely old man with a few relatives living in the other destrict. At his door were his friends..It was early morning and freezing outside. the knocking and calling was so hard and loud. They broke the door to find the man laid down on the ground without any movement. His friends were going to give him a lift to work but they found that he was suffocated by gas and couldn’t make it. They called me to be assure if he was dead or a life. But there was no hope even for a c.p.r. and after realizing the truth I could barely hold the situation up. I was in a state of shock. I just went out and said "he is dead". I couldn’t talk anymore. We phoned the ambulance and took him to the main hospital. But after witnessing the scene I couldn’t eat even lunch and I began to remember all the pictures of the dead people who were killed in the past months and years as a result of violence and crimes and during the war. It took me along time to forget those pictures. Now I'm dizzy and nauseated feeling my head may explode at any moment. I was trying my best to avoid like such situations. During my study at the college I wasn’t afraid of anatomy or corpses and didn’t hesitate in dissection unlike my friends but now I don’t know what happened to me. I just passed to the dental centre and went out with my friend just to relief and get fresh but that didn’t take the effect I tried and im trying my best to hide all this from colleagues and friends through laughing, telling jokes and listening to music but still the same. if I could scream and shout to spill all this out!. All I need for this moment is to clear my mind and brain as formatting it all over again to erase all this up.